the how to guideby johnny
by catmagnent
Summary: Nny decides to write a how to guide,, explaining how to do some of his favorite things.
1. Chapter 1

A.N: yep this is the sequel to a to z with johnny. But this is his how to guide wrote from his p.o.v. and trust me, alot of research has been put foreward to write all of this for your amusement/ entertainment.

disclaimer: i dont own jthm.

note: all of this information came courtesy of a dictionary and google, and wikipedia. i hope you appreciate the hard work i did to write this sick and twisted story just for you hardcore jthm readers and fans.

how to: make the acid drip.

nny decided he had better write a how to guide just in case a rainy day came along and he needed some inspiration.

"how to..." was his simple title.

"the acid drip consists of equal parts bleach, boric acid, and lime. mix together thouroughly and divide into valve controlled drippers." wrote nny .

"to have acid drip have maximum pain effect on the victim, use the skin shaver and take off several layers of skin and then turn valve control to slow or medium drip and make sure the victim is securely chained to the wall unerneath the drippers."

"thats a good first page." said nny. "and all i gotta do is write more."

"after victim has died, use rest of lime and dig a shallow grave. lay dead corpses into the pit and cover with lime. then water lightly. next cover with dirt and let the lime do its thing."

"the pendulum blade is another favorite torture device of mine. just hang it above the table your victim is gonna be chained to, and set the pendulum in motion and slowly begin to lower the blade and watch the victim squirm and plead for their life."

i really should write this stuff down more often. this is gonna be one hell of a book.

so nny went back to writing.

"the metal tongue flesh shaver is another favorite implement of mine to use. its made of metal and has one very sharp deskinning blade. make sure when using the tongue shaver, that you have the tongue of your victim clamped down and their arms and legs chained down tightly."

nny


	2. more notes of devices

A.N: nny is really taking a shine to writing some of his notes down for the right way of. "Doing things right" by his standards.

disclaimer: so not mine. although i wish it was.

more how to notes.

"i guess this is gonna be a worthwhile project. but i gotta put more of the definitions in for the torture being done. just for refrence." said nny.

"the heretics fork is a double pronged implement that was strapped to a person's neck, and one set of prongs rested on their chest, and the other set poised to rest on the underside of the chin area. if the person's head grew too heavy from exhaustion or fatigue,, and their head fell foreward the double prongs would dig into their face or throat, while the prongs on the chest would penetrate the chest wall and cause extreme pain either way.. it would also cause sleep deprivation. but all this would be done while the person is hung up by their arms and hands on a hook attached to a chain or rope on a pulley."

"oooh good definition. im glad i found that heretics fork yesterday." said nny as he cracked his knuckles and took another drink of cherry water.

"now for the next torture or rather coercion. the strappado." wrote nny at the top of the next page.

"the strappado coercion torture is also known as a reverse hanging. it is when the victim's arms are tied behind their back and they get pulled up by a hook on a rope pulley and a very heavy weight was tied to their ankles. usually the person was left to die from starvation,, drowning in their own bodily fluids, or they were asked a series of questions if they were suspected of committing a crime, infedelity,, or adultery."

"that was the fun one especially when i had latched the breast rippers onto that fat guy's titties. i cant believe they popped off like fat nippled caps. that was too funny for words." said nny out loud.

"breast rippers: are torture devices made of metal, and was threaded through the breast muscle or tissue,,, and the person was suspended just by the breast rippers only. it was extremely painful and victims usually tried to bounce themselves free of the devices to escape the pain and try to get away from their tormentors."


	3. more how to's

A.N: nny has put a lot of thought into this book of notes.

disclaimer: i so dont own jthm. to jhonen vasquez be praise.

note: some of these implements listed are real. if ya dont believe me look them up.

nny took a look at his notebook so far. "impressive notes. and they will serve as a good reminder incase i forget."

"glass...broken glass." wrote nny "this is gonna be fun."

"for a broken glass torture to be accomplished appropriately, you must have a stockpile of assorted broken pieces, shapes and sizes. ranging from jagged edged, to pointed,, smooth and of course cracked broken bottles with animal poop on it. if one does not die from wounds sustained from the broken glass, one can get a nasty infection from the animal poop."

nny looked over his explanation of the broken glass torture. and it explained the whole thing in good detail. "on to the next."

"chakra torture. it has three good points to it. and they involve some worthwhile implements. part one: the painful probing of the genitals. this involves a heated skinny instrument shaped like a dipstick,, and it is heated up and inserted into the urethra, or its expanded and inserted painfully into the other oraface if its a female. and the second part is the probing of the anal area with a heated device. it resembles a backwards "c" with the bottom crook longer tan the top. the short end gets inserted into the bottom of the anus,, and shoved through the muscle that separates the anus from the front genitals. the handle usually had a ring at the end for hooking a rope or chain to and applying a pulling sensation to the area. the force applied usually obliterated the anal muscle area, and it caused loss of bowel control, and if the long end was inserted the opposite direction, and the force was again applied to that area, it would obliterate the cagle muscle and the anus. and the victim would suffer incontinence of both bowel and bladder areas."

nny checked his work against the online library. and it was accurate.


	4. three listings

A.N: nny has to put the effort foreward and put his brain into gear to finish his book.

disclaimer: i dont own jthm.

note: if any sick and twisted person uses any of the ideas in these stories, you had better be a government official extracting information for the well being of all things good. if not..im not responsible.

more of the how to guide with johnny.

nny liked that title of the next section.

the how to: ticks and leeches. blood suckers.

nny was gonna put the effort into this section, even if it meant his brain would melt and fall out of his ears.

"beer is like marijuana for leeches. to put a leech into crazy feeding mode,, get a bunch of leeches and a six pack of cheap beer. open all the cans and pour the beer onto the leeches. they will literally go into a feeding frenzy mode. and to properly feed all those leeches, get a passed out drunk from the local bar, dig a shallow pit, and partially fill with water. strip victim naked,, and place into water filled pit, and then dump leeches onto person and watch them feed happily."

nny would one day have to try that one out on some fat, drunkard.

nny had to write another section for ticks.

how to : ticks.

"the most common tick is the spotted deer tick. it is small like a fleck of black pepper unless its fully engorged then it is recognizable by a white dot on its back. it carries lyme disease. so if you have multiple ticks, and only one host that happens to be a hemophiliac, well its generally feeding time after that."

now nny had a dillema,, he could turn the page and write another couple of parts or put one more on the same page. "one more." said nny. and he thought about what he could write down.

how to: breaking wheel.

"the breaking wheel was made from either wood or metal, and resembled a spinning wheel without the turning spokes. it had a locking chamber for cuffs or short chains. the cuff chains were locked into the wheel, and it was put into position and turned until the person's hands were outstretched and unable to move.

then the tormentor would take a hammer or metal club and whack the handcuffs at the wrists. and either break the wrists or inflict great pain."


	5. the final three

A.N: nny has to put the effort foreward and put his brain into gear to finish his book.

disclaimer: i dont own jthm.

note: if any sick and twisted person uses any of the ideas in these stories, you had better be a government official extracting information for the well being of all things good. if not..im not responsible.

more of the how to guide with johnny.

nny liked that title of the next section.

the how to: ticks and leeches. blood suckers.

nny was gonna put the effort into this section, even if it meant his brain would melt and fall out of his ears.

"beer is like marijuana for leeches. to put a leech into crazy feeding mode,, get a bunch of leeches and a six pack of cheap beer. open all the cans and pour the beer onto the leeches. they will literally go into a feeding frenzy mode. and to properly feed all those leeches, get a passed out drunk from the local bar, dig a shallow pit, and partially fill with water. strip victim naked,, and place into water filled pit, and then dump leeches onto person and watch them feed happily."

nny would one day have to try that one out on some fat, drunkard.

nny had to write another section for ticks.

how to : ticks.

"the most common tick is the spotted deer tick. it is small like a fleck of black pepper unless its fully engorged then it is recognizable by a white dot on its back. it carries lyme disease. so if you have multiple ticks, and only one host that happens to be a hemophiliac, well its generally feeding time after that."

now nny had a dillema,, he could turn the page and write another couple of parts or put one more on the same page. "one more." said nny. and he thought about what he could write down.

how to: breaking wheel.

"the breaking wheel was made from either wood or metal, and resembled a spinning wheel without the turning spokes. it had a locking chamber for cuffs or short chains. the cuff chains were locked into the wheel, and it was put into position and turned until the person's hands were outstretched and unable to move.

then the tormentor would take a hammer or metal club and whack the handcuffs at the wrists. and either break the wrists or inflict great pain."


	6. part 2 fluids and waste

A.N: I thought I was through with the how to guide. Apparently randomplotbunny wants more. So here is more of the how to guide with johnny.

disclaimer: if you think i own this, i am going to laugh at you bwhahahahahahahaha

note: i originally had not planned on making this a long chaptered story. but a certain related follower has asked for more please. so to fill that request, here is more.

how to- part 2: proper drainage of fluids and disposal.

"good title for the second part." said nny.

"diffrent types of bodily fluids that can be drained are as follows: blood, urine, stomach contents and the acid, the vitrious humor from inside the eyes, the cerebro spinal fluid that surrounds the spinal cord,, and the fluid from around the brain. to properly drain each fluid correctly here it is in order. blood drainage: insert a large gauge needle with hose into the juggular vein in the neck and let the blood flow freely either down the drain, or collect into a large vessel. next the eyes: insert a sall gauge needle attached to a syringe and begin to slowly draw out the clear, jelly like fluid from inside the eye. this can be done to the person alive or dead.

to extract urine: this can be accomplished by either a long needle with a tube inserted directly into the bladder, or a tube inserted directly into the urethra to properly drain all of the fluid.

to drain the cerebro- spinal fluid: turn victim onto their side and bend them into the fetal position. then insert a needle attached to a syringe into the spinal column, but be sure to get the space between the vertebrae to properly extract all of the fluid from the spinal cord. you can either allow this to drain out into a container for other use or discard down the drain."

nny was genuinely happy with the way the second part was looking already.

"the extraction of solid waste is accomplished two ways: first being to string up the victim so they are upright. and then cut the anal area open and cut the colon away from that muscle group and pull it out the waste will fall out freely into either an open drain or onto the floor if you dont catch it in time.

the second way to extract the solid waste is to cut open the abdomen and remove the bowels and squeeze them like a tube of tooth scrub."

nny erupted in laughter as he thought of what else to write about.


	7. dialysis

A.N: this one gets oogie on those who do the dialysis thing.

disclaimer: i so dont own this at all.

note: dialysis is for patients who have esrd, or renal failure. it can also help those who are really sick and need dialysis to keep their kidneys from shutting down as a result of high doses of medications being given as a result of their illness.

how to guide part 2: dialysis.

nny had to really put some thought into how to kill a person via dialysis.

"well, they use epotine alfa, and transferritin during dialysis while cleaning out the impurities from their blood. why cant i use the same method,, but do it two ways?" thought nny. then it hit him.

dialysis part1: bleach drip infusion of death.

nny squealed at the title.

"dialysis it is used to help treat people with kidney disease or end stage renal disease. it has three forms: hemodialysis, is when a patient gets a fistula in an arm or where ever there is good blood flow and it is used with a dialysis machiene to filter impurities from the blood. a fistula is a surgical joining of a vein and an artery.

to kill someone via dialysis: use the line that returns blood back to the body for a diffrent purpose, attach it to an elevated container with a spout that contains the acid bleach drip mix. and once the flow of blood picks up, and its time for the return, turn on the valve and let the mix enter the body. death might take seconds or minutes depending on how strong you make it."

nny liked that one.

dialysis part 2: embalming.

"time for my favorite fluid to come into play. formaldahyde." said nny with a smile.

"embalming takes place when a person dies and is sent to a funeral home. they drain the body of fluids and replace them with formaldahyde. it keeps the corpse from decaying.

first they insert a large needle with a hose into your juggular vein and your corotid artery and begin to drain your blood out of your body. then once your blood has been fully drained out,, another needle gets inserted while they stitch up the other poke hole, and formaldahyde gets transfused into your body. and as it takes hold all throughout your system it preserves your body so it doesnt decay.

doing the same thing to a person on dialysis isnt hard at all. just hook them up normally,, and drain the blood from their body and in the return line,, will come the formaldahyde. "

nny thought for a moment. "when someone says they want to remember you just the way you are and then starts at you wiith a needle, run like hell."

and with that thought off of his brain, nny laughed. "its fun to write this shit out sometimes."


	8. diabetics

A.N: if anyone is a diabetic, read this and then go walking if your blood sugar is too high.

disclaimer: i so dont own any of this.

note: diabetes is a life long disease. there is no cure, just daily treatments to help manage it. if left uncontrolled it can damage your eyes, heart,, kidneys, and your nerves. so if you think you might be at risk for diabetes or have a family history of diabetes, please get checked today. thanks.

the how to guide: diabetes.

nny was really on a roll with this whole how to guide book. now he was gonna torment a diabetic.

"diabetes is a killer disease. it happens when your pancreas no longer produces insulin or produces too little insulin. it can be managed often times by diet, exercise and medications.

diabetics can only have regular sugar if their blood sugar levels drop too low. but if their level is too high they can either exercize to burn off the excess sugars or take a shot of insulin.••••••••••look up more facts on line about diabetes and if you experience any of the signs or symptoms of having diabetes go to your doctor and get checked. if left untreated it can kill you.•••••••••••••••

how to kill a diabetic: if you have an insulin syringe and some koolaid, sugar and pixie sticks you got an instant party favor. a sugared up diabetic clown.

all you gotta do is take the koolaid and mix it with regular sugar and several pixie sticks and mix them all together with water. once well mixed together draw some liquid into a syringe and get ready for the fun.

first drain out a couple of pints of blood, next begin to transfuse into victim the koolaid/pixie stick mixture. •••••••••••and if you aint guessed it by now its death by sugar••••••••••••••••••••

victim's blood sugar should rise rather quickly.


	9. three good ones

A.N: sorry for the delay. But my idea muse took a holiday.

disclaimer: so not mine.

note: my sister randomplotbunny had to be my muse and give me some ideas. so thanx randomplotbunny.

how to guide part 4: wild poodles.

nny loved this idea.

"to be pulled apart by wild poodles lets take a moment and specify which type of poodle breed will do the pulling. im saying the standard poodle. its bigger and stockier. perfect for this task. but to hype them up,, make sure they are used to going hunting. and get excited at the sight of a bunny or squirrel. then here is where the fun starts.

tie your wussie guy down and have four wild poodle hunting dogs tied to each limb. intice the dogs with a treat or release their favorite animal into the direction you want them to go. and those dogs will pull like mad to go after that critter. and bingo, you have successfully pulled apart a man by wild poodles."

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••more how to's••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

nny wondered what was coming next to his line of thought.

"human tires." said nny. and he quickly wrote it down.

"human tires is when you take an 18 wheeler and tie one person at a time to each side of a tire axel. and then start the truck up and roll on down the highway. and if someone gets wrapped around the axel and ripped to shreds, all the more fun."

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••seven deadly sins••••

nny saw the movie "seven" and thought the hollywood people needed a taste of their own medicine.

so he rounded up the seven victims from the production crew and set to work showing them just what its like to do those sins.

"seven deadly sins are as follows : sloth, covetousness, anger, gluttony, envy, pride, and lust.

now for the fun.

first victim was sloth. he was fat, and lazy and just the right type for complete slothfulness.

next was lazy. the victim was athletic looking. but lazier than molasses on a winter day. so to make sure they stay that way,, cut the achellies tendon and that ensures laziness.

then came covetousness: thats wanting someone else's posessions. the victim for this was the errand runner of the group. she always wanted something better in life. but was always shorted when goods were handed out. so chain her to a wall and lay out diamond jewlery and alot of cash money and the effect is full on want.

followed by anger. the director was the victim for this sin. he was the embodiment of anger. so what did i do? chained him to a wall and set all of his posessions on fire, took all of his money, and shredded his credit cards after maxing them out.

lust is the next one up. and its a self explanatory subject. the victim was the casting director. he was wanting to bone the costume designer. so what did i do? stripped her naked and stripped him naked. then i chained him to the torture rack and placed her in the four limb stocks with her "goodie bits" facing him. now thats torture.

gluttony. ahh yes wonderful gluttony. the overeaters term for an all you can eat buffet. and the victim for this one was the last one in the group, a skinny guy with anorexia. so what did i do? i drugged him and began to feed him past his normal full limits. i fed him so much his stomach exploded.

a.n: just one more after this and this whole thing is finished. done. complete. over said and through. so read and review please and thank you.


	10. pop rocks and rockets

A.N: last one. I promise. This one deals with pop rocks and rockets.

disclaimer: i only own this in my dreams.

how to guide part 5. final chapter.

"pop rocks and coke."

"now for the fun stuff. pop rocks and cola. when you mix the two together you get enough pressure to fill a balloon. now if you were to do this to a human..it would be funny.

all you need to do is super glue the mouth and nose shut, super glue the anus closed so gas cannot escape, and insert a tube into the stomach add alot of pop rocks, at least 2 pounds. then add a whole 2 liter of cola. quickly remove tube and stape stomach closed and watch the human balloon swell up to epic proprtions. they will either continue to swell or burst like an overinflated balloon."

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••rocket man•••••••••••••••••••••

nny heard that one song rocket bound. and he thought to himself "i could do that to someone."

so nny went to the local hobby shop and got a couple of gallons of rocket fuel, and one very large moon rocket. then went back for nine more gallons of fuel. he assembled the rocket and looked for a victim.

one caught his attention. it was some young guy walking his puppy and abusing it and making it yelp and whimper. and nny thought to himself "i cant stand people who abuse animals." so nny took his noggin knocker and bashed the man over his head, took his puppy, then tied the abusive puppy walker to the rocket and fuled it up.

"this should cool your abusive jets asshole." said nny. and nny pressed the launch button, and the rocket lifted off.

a week later on the news the reporter said that a hobby rocket had been spotted on a collision course with the moon. so nny watched with intrest as the space camera from the orbiting space station followed the rocket all the way to lunar impact.

nny patted the little pup on the head and gave it a doggy biscuit. "well, your abuser made quite an impact on the moon." said nny as he and the pup went outside and tended to the flower garden.


End file.
